Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Idiosyncratic Favorite Things

Every once in a while people post a list of favorite things. Usually including their favorite color, their favorite food, favorite alcoholic beverage, and so forth. This gets sent around to "10 of their favorite friends" for those people to fill out their versions of the list, copy the person who sent it, and send it to their favorite friends. The world's most boring chain letter.

Well I think it would be much more interesting to have a list of a person's most idiosyncratic favorite things. Such as the following....

1. Favorite part of your body:
Mine has got to be my irises. Their color defies standard description. Yellow in the middle near the pupil. Moving to green, then blue, then charcoal around the outside edge. What the hell color do you call that on your driver's license? Usually I say green, but honestly, it's not a color at all. It's a sort of weird earth-toned rainbow.

2. Favorite way to have attention showered on you:
Getting a massage. If someone will just rub on my back and feet and hands for an hour, I'm in pure heaven. JUST DON'T FRIGGING TALK TO ME WHILE YOU DO IT. Nothing bugs me more than to pay someone for an hour of blissful massage, only to be TALKED to death. I don't want to make a friend, I want to relax, for crying out loud.

3. Favorite condiment:
Ranch dressing. I could eat it with anything, on almost anything savory, even by itself if it weren't gauche to do so. Closely followed by salsa.

4. Favorite old thing:
Old trucks. I ADORE old pickup trucks. Usually blue ones or red ones or orange ones. We have two geriatric orange trucks a block or so north of us, and when we go walking, I wonder at how it is possible there are two of them, two different makes (I think one is a chevy, and one is a ford) in two different old eras, but on my same street, two blocks up. They are just cool as shit. With a bench seat? Even better. And a big ass steering wheel, and a very roundy hood, with big circular lights. I LOVE old trucks.

5. Favorite style of underwear: (in this category, I note there are limited options, which I will outline here... correct me if I am wrong). There's the g-string, the thong, the string bikini, the boy short, the hipster, the standard bikini, the hi-cut brief, and the brief (aka granny panties). And for the really unusual, there's the boxer, but that's appropriating guy underwear into a girl lineup. But it's an option. It's valid. There are various types of material - satin, silk, cotton, microfiber, nylon, lace.
My favorites are cotton boy shorts or hipsters. Don't get near my ass with a thong. Butt floss. Ew.

6. Favorite thing to spend money on: shoes, hands down.

7. Favorite thing you have had for at least 15 years but cannot bear to part with, despite its age and state of dilapidation:
a pair of shoes, Italian in origin, leather in material, that I got in Germany for over $200 in 1988. They are known as my "warlock shoes" as they look like something a witch or warlock might wear. The dog chewed the back off one of them when he was a puppy (the same dog who we had put down in March, the one who isn't even alive anymore, he was so old). They fit better than any other shoes I own and I LOVE them. Don't TOUCH my shoes.

8. Favorite place to be alone: in the bathroom - I rarely get that opportunity anymore, with my 4 year old. It's a treat when I am. This includes shower/tub bath.

9. Favorite type of cheese: very very very sharp, aged white cheddar. Then epoisses.

10. Favorite thing to sleep in: an old beat-up pair of Old Navy capri jammy pants and my Gap cultu(red) shirt. I don't sleep in the nude, don't care to, don't like my parts touching my other parts. Gross.

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